The choice was Better Homes & Gardens (yawn), New Idea (trash) or Cosmopolitan. Cosmo had a red cover with a chick in a crop top standing there with hands on hips like she knew who she was and meant business. Just beside her left hip was a trailer for a story: ‘Twenty Ways to Please Your Man’. Well, it was a no-brainer.
So that was an educational ten minutes. I chuckled away in the queue and learnt a few things I hadn’t heard of before and some I had – hey, I’m not such an old fuddy duddy. All the tips were credited to real men, or perhaps they were made up by a sub-editor, who knows. As the ‘men’ got older, the tips got rather more outlandish, or sophisticated, whichever way you want to look at it. Kevin (37) had what I thought was the most interesting preference. I won’t tell you what it was here, there are mummies reading. You’ll have to buy a copy for yourself. Or read it in the checkout queue.
When I got home I thought I’d run Kevin’s idea past my Other Half. He was quite innocently standing there with a packet of frozen peas in his hand when I put Kevin’s suggestion to him. ‘If I did this (insert technique here), when that was about to happen (insert relevant moment), would it (CENSORED)?
He was evidently taken aback. After all, he thought he was just helping me unpack the shopping. ‘No,’ he replied quite firmly. ‘I’m quite happy with things the way they are. You’ll find I’m quite conservative like that.’
That surprised me. I’ve known my Other Half for sixteen years, and I wouldn’t have said he’s conservative.
Later that evening, we enjoyed what I’ll just describe as a very pleasant intimate experience. No special techniques were employed but we were both very happy with the outcome. Which just goes to prove, you don’t have to do anything particularly outlandish or sophisticated to please your man. You just have to love him, and let him know you’re happy to be there.
But I’m not saying we won’t revisit Kevin’s suggestion at some future date. I’ll keep that one in reserve.
Oh1 What a tease you are! I am not going to look n Cosmo...but I wish you would tell us what Kevin's idea was. Is there a list for men on how to please a woman...Your other half has the right idea...nothing sexier than a man helping you unpack the shopping!
ReplyDeleteWell I must say, I am certainly more informed after your Cosmo skirmish !
ReplyDeletePoor Pig Farmer, bet he is still keeping an eye on you when that shower curtain shimmers :)
Certainly raised the eyebrows of mine herr - he now has a new perspective on the house over the paddock ;)
Embarrassingly I suspect I know just what 'Kevin' was talking about - and no, have never used that technique because frankly, yeuch... (But then, perhaps I'm 'quite conservative' about such things...)
ReplyDeleteHazel: I still can't tell you because I can't use the word 'perineum' (sp?) on a blog that's meant to be about life in the country. Sorry. But I do recommend it as a checkout read.
ReplyDeleteKilliecrankie: don't go looking through our bedroom window with any binoculars, now.
And Potty Mummy: no, it's not a 'yeuch' idea - so perhaps you're not so conservative after all!